Happiness is connected to what we do – always!

Life is happening all around us all the time. Some good, some bad and lots of seemingly no moment at all. All of this is not what we do but what is done to and around us. So how can we be “happy anyway”?

I posit that it is all about what WE do. If we fall into a funk and think about how “bad” it is, we will feel “funky”. If we look around for blame, we will feel “blamey”. If we feel that life is just conspiring against us we will feel “conspired against”.

Let’s look at who or what is responsible for what we do. Is our boss responsible for what we do when he/she makes impossible demands or levels unfair criticism? Not really. It is our reaction that is all about what we do. We can recognize the impossibility of the assignment and make a concerted effort to show the impossibilities and, more importantly, the possibilities instead. Sometimes we need to consider the unfair criticism and just look for the lessons. Maybe how not to be like the unreasonable boss. Maybe to just file it away and move on. In other words, we are responsible for what we do. So act positively, be assertive, and act! Do not just feel put upon – act and do something.

What about circumstances? Sometimes things just happen TO you. The car doesn’t work. The basement floods. The power goes out. Someone cuts you off dangerously in traffic. It pours rain just when you are taking the family out for a picnic. Most of this sort of thing is beyond your control. So – what should we DO? Just make a choice to consider alternatives right away instead of lapsing into “poor me” feelings. Sometimes it is just a matter of looking at the situation and seeing the humour. The person who cut you off in traffic must have a wonderful assignation to get to! πŸ™‚ Have a picnic in the rain anyway!

So what do we mean when we say that happiness is connected to what we do? Simply it is that if we do positive – we get positive. Is what we are doing contributing to our happiness? It is still always about choices. If we have a boss that really is just an impossible person you must choose to change your boss. Be grateful that you have a job and income but look for ways to change the boss. Maybe find a way to be your own boss (start a business). When circumstances happen, learn to be grateful that they are not worse (they can always be worse) and that you can see a way to make changes to better the outcomes. Then ACT. Do something to make things better.

Sometimes change is required. While looking for a new boss, alter your outside work activities to focus on activities that bring happiness and joy. Get a good work/life balance. Change how you look at things. Look for lessons, humour, thankfulness, and always find a way to move from not happy to happy. Be gentle on yourself. Deal with emotions and give yourself time to “feel”. But give yourself a deadline to move backΒ to gratefulness and happy.

It all comes down to choice. Choose to get your mind right. Look for things to be grateful for. Choose to remain steadfast and reliable to others. Choose to be persistent and even eager. Choose to be a good colleague/boss/employee. Choose to be happier!

Live well, love always and laugh out loud every day! πŸ˜€

Find A Way!

I love creative thinking. I hear about a situation or problem or opportunity and I immediately want to take some time and think about it in different ways. Many call this thinking outside the box. I not only love creative thinking, I am good at it.

I don’t particularly love being dutiful or even being very thorough in the doing of things. To me, this is keeping me from doing what I love to do. Now don’t get me wrong. I am very good at doing these things – I just don’t like it as much. Even though that is the case, I DO THESE THINGS ANYWAY! And I do them as well as I can.

There is a great life lesson here. If you choose/have to do something, do it to the very best of your own ability. Not the best in the world (unless that is your goal) but the best YOU can do. Just compare yourself to yourself and do your own best. Then you need to find/make time to do what you really love to do.

I want to shift gears just a bit now. We often have a hard time knowing what the right things are for us to find time to do. All I can tell you is that it has to come from inside. You will know because you will feel “right”. How about a few tips that have helped me?

Remember that you are always a role model whether you are aware of it or not. So take a bit of time and think about what you would like to hear as the eulogy at your own funeral many, many years in the future. What would you like to hear from your family? Friends? Work colleagues? Bosses? Your life partner? And so on. Then think honestly about what you imagine they would actually say/think today. Now you have a list of things to work on. πŸ™‚

Most of what gets us into diss-equalibrium revolves around the respect or lack of respect we have for others. I have learned that I am not always right so I try very hard to be open to learning from others (who are also not always right). So stay respectful. They just may be right if they are so insistent on their viewpoint. If you KNOW they are wrong and they do not seem open to hearing another point of view – let it go. They don’t have to tell you that you are right. Keep in mind that you just want peace and happiness. You do not need to tear down others and their ideas to stand tall. Just always be open to learn new stuff.

I have said this before. Everything is a choice. Does the choice you are about to make reconcile with your own values? Will it bring peace, joy and happiness? Or will it bring conflict, contempt and anger? All those things your Mom or Dad told you was very valuable advice. “Think before you act.” “Look before you leap.” “Take a breath and count to 10 before reacting.” “You can’t unsay anything so think about what you are about to say.”

All of the advice has to do with taking some time before doing or saying things. Why is that? I think it has to do with the reality that negative emotions are much quicker to rise to the surface. It is probably related to the flight or fight response that allowed for survival in earlier times. But if we just take a moment to let our analytical mind work we can usually see a “better” action. You will recognize a true flight or fight moment, trust me. Most of the time these days we are not faced with true flight or fight moments.

Find a way to do what you love. Find a way to choose better actions and reactions. Find a way to be the best role model you can be.

 

I know you can, but will you?

I know you can be happy anyway, but will you? I know you can give love, but will you? I know you can help that person, but will you? I know you can forgive that, but will you?

Yes, it really is all about choices we make. It is not just the circumstances around us that lead to happiness or not. It really is about how we choose to look at things and to act. I am always reminded of the whole concept of reaping what we sow. Becoming what we think about. Receiving what we give out. Whenever we are faced with a decision on how we are going to react to something, we are getting one more chance to choose happiness. What is the outcome we want from the choice we are facing? Really, really, really, really want?

It might be easy to say that we want that person to know how angry we are with him/her. We want the person to feel the pain that action caused. We want to teach that person a lesson. Those are all superficial and are not what we really want in our life. We want happiness, joy and love. Look further than the moment. Break free from our programming and choose peace, love, understanding and happiness.

I have just read that in the average home the ratio of negative to positive messages is 14 to 1! For every positive comment we make to a person in the family, we make almost 14 critical comments. A similar study apparently showed that in long-term happy marriages there was a ratio of 7 to 1 positive communications. Which model are you following? It is a choice and is solely in your hands to choose. I know you can choose the latter, but will you?

The cashier at the checkout is not the one who entered the price wrong in the computer, yet they are the ones that take the brunt of the blame and anger. Slow down. What is really important in the big picture of our life? That we chastised someone or that we accepted that an error was made and is being corrected? What you are putting out into the universe is rebounding back to you, usually 7-fold. Put out good vibes.

I have taught for years that we should always start out a venture with the end in mind. In other words, start taking action with the outcome that you desire in mind. That is important in life. The earlier we understand this and take a couple of steps, the earlier we can be walking the path of happiness. Picture yourself at age 80. People are gathering around for your birthday party. Now do two different exercises.

First of all, what would you like people to be saying about you? Your immediate family, your extended family, your friends, your work colleagues, your staff, your bosses, others in your life that you came across (the homeless person on the street years ago, the student, the person who was lost and broke). Remember, this is what you want them to be able to say about you. Be honest. Don’t write what you think others might think you would want. This is for you and your eyes only.

Next, write down what each of those people would actually say about you today. Again, be brutally honest. What would they say that you might not want the to say but is probably true from their perspective?

Now, look at the gaps. Choose to work on closing the gaps so that folks can be saying what you really want them to be able to say about you earlier.

I know you can, but will you? πŸ™‚

Does the wake push you around?

Does it push or does it trail?

Consider this just for a minute or two. When you are out in a boat enjoying a pleasant ride what do you see around you? Water of course, but if you look behind you, you will see the wake of the boat. If you are going in Β a straight line it will be quite long and straight out behind you. If you are curving around like in this picture, the wake will curve as well. We all know this.

Now, consider this. If you look back and see the wake trailing behind you, do you ever get the feeling that it is pushing you? Do you get the impression that it can push you in a different direction if it wanted to? WAIT! Don’t stop reading just yet. I really do have a point.

So many of us think that our past is what is steering us. Our past is what is trapping us in our today. I want to challenge that once and for all. Our past is just that, past. It is in fact our wake; the trail that is left behind on our journey. It marks out exactly how we got to where we are today. But it does not determine where we will go in the next minute, day week or year. As you look around, you can set a new course direction. It cannot push you!

To beat this analogy into the ground, you may find yourself in very bad waters and where you want to be may look almost unattainable. However, if you can see at least a direction, you can turn the boat of your life towards that direction and evaluate how you are doing a bit later in the journey. Then keep making the steering adjustments that will take you to where you want to be.

As I have said many times before, it is all about choices. Stop blaming your past for your troubles. Just acknowledge the past and choose to move forward. You really can be happy anyway. πŸ™‚

Analysis or Cognitive?

I see so much about how people are spending years in psycho-analysis in order to be happier. I really do not get it. I am not saying there is no place for it, but what is it that you want?? To understand why your life sucks, or who you can blame for the way you are? Or do you just want to be happy anyway?

Then there are the folks who are in Cognitive Therapy. I sort of wonder what that is about as well. Really all it seems to be about is to decide what you really want and then make a plan to get it! I know it is a bit more than that but it is pretty practical and focuses on outcome. You only need to look at the why question to see if it can happen again. If it can, develop a means to handle or avoid it. If it can’t, ….!!

What we really, really, really, REALLY want is to just be happy anyway! What has happened is done. At worst, it is a trail that you can still see. It does need to equal the future. What might happen is in the future. If we can really control it, make plans and deal with it. If it is not in your control, just get on with today!

So, how do we be happy anyway? There are so many books and courses on this I am always surprised that we are not all just plain happy. Actually, most of us, most of the time. We instinctively know what to do to be happy. We just loose track once in a while. Here are a few focus reminders to consider:

  • Intend to be happy.
  • Look for the good, even in bad things! Lessons learned.
  • Expect good things to happen – be optimistic.
  • Hang around happy people.
  • Give yourself time to be angry, sad, to grieve. But decide when to look for the happiness again. Set a deadline! Limit the time.

There are lots of tips here at this site and around the world. Look for the good ones that make sense to you. Remember the outcome you desire – to be happy anyway!